Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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