Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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