honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
