somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
