There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
