He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
