i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
