and you said cock pushups were impossible
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
