I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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