We won't sleep together?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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