i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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