God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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