please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
