Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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