I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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