love makes seman taste better
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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