handjob tips. give me some.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
