it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
