A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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