just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
