also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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