Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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