doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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