I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
