I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize