I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
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