Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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