first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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