i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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