Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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