I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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