So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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