Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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