Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
