Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
