The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
