he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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