God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And then the night went full on bisexual.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Text me some of your sweat
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
