Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
