She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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