apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he fucked my hip out of place.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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