haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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