I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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