i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
