can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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