So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
