Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
