I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
