I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
