i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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