I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
