Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
