i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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