please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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