I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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