I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
