I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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