i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
