does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
