i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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