I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
