i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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