their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
