I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
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All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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