i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
