Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
