can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Drake has all the answers
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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