dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
