A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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