I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This baby is an asshole
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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