I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So much rum. So many feels.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
did i just pee glitter
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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