if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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