Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
