Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
