At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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