So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
