There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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