Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
