in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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