I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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