I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
