Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
